Christ’s Christmas Blog

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A man claiming to be the third coming of Christ was arrested on Christmas Eve after turning over tables in Westfield Shopping Centre while the public snapped up last-minute gifts. Yelling “Is there anything more un-Christian than Christmas?” he was apprehended in Foot Locker when he tripped over his sandals, insisting “I’m Christ, I should know.”

Shoppers were unimpressed. “Looks like a bloody terrorist if you ask me,” muttered one. “I mean the hair, the beard, am I allowed to say his brown skin? That’s what’s wrong with this country nowadays. They ought to lock him up.”

Another was more sympathetic. “I feel sorry for him,” she mused. “Living in a manger, Jesus probably never even had a PS4. It’s not much of a life, is it?”

The man, 33, gave no address to the police, saying “We are all at home in my Father’s house: only He shall judge me,” before kissing the arresting officer.

Police are appealing for witnesses and anyone able to identify the gentleman, but stressed that on the busiest night of the year, only serious people should come forward. Three wise men and a shepherd have been turned away from the station after presenting a nuisance.

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